Thursday, November 25, 2010

Inner emotions

The last few years I have seem to have less control over my inner emotions that I used to have.

IN the summer and fall of 2009 I descended into a degree of depression that I did not think was possible. I felt like I was outside of myself and could do nothing to motivate myself to do anything. I felt at times like I was 'faking it' because there was no reason why I should be like I was, that I should be able to suck it up and get on with my day. I felt angry and guilty for where I was at. I eventually got some drugs that have helped with the depression, or at least for awhile.

Recently I have been feeling more anger and rage at the world than is normal. Today is one of those days. I want to throw things, and I did do so. Stephen was doing a very lame and bad job on a project and ignored instructions to do things differently. I took his crappy work and flung it against the wall and told him to start again. I feel bad that I did this, but I could not help myself.

I was driving and getting utterly worked up about every issue I heard on the radio. I was ready to punch someone. I was likely driving more aggressively than I should have.

So why am I feeling this anger? How can I control this? And as I calm down, why is sadness overtaking me?


Anonymous said...

Think of the gifts you have in your life. Many people don't have the gifts you do. Help someone else who needs it and get out of thinking about yourself for a while. Talk to a therapist if you have unresolved issues...there is not stigma in that. This is an excellent book for anger. Any books by Byron Katie are great as well. They will ask you questions.
The Anger Diet by Brenda Shoshanna

Anonymous said...

Also books by Richard Carlson may be of help. Change your thoughts, change your life. another is You can be happy no matter what.