The last few years I have seem to have less control over my inner emotions that I used to have.
IN the summer and fall of 2009 I descended into a degree of depression that I did not think was possible. I felt like I was outside of myself and could do nothing to motivate myself to do anything. I felt at times like I was 'faking it' because there was no reason why I should be like I was, that I should be able to suck it up and get on with my day. I felt angry and guilty for where I was at. I eventually got some drugs that have helped with the depression, or at least for awhile.
Recently I have been feeling more anger and rage at the world than is normal. Today is one of those days. I want to throw things, and I did do so. Stephen was doing a very lame and bad job on a project and ignored instructions to do things differently. I took his crappy work and flung it against the wall and told him to start again. I feel bad that I did this, but I could not help myself.
I was driving and getting utterly worked up about every issue I heard on the radio. I was ready to punch someone. I was likely driving more aggressively than I should have.
So why am I feeling this anger? How can I control this? And as I calm down, why is sadness overtaking me?