Friday, August 17, 2007

A funny piece from Opinion 250

Opinion 250 is an online web newspaper out of Prince George. I liked this piece.

Hartley Miller's Slap-Shots August 17th Edition

By Hartley Miller

Friday, August 17, 2007 03:45 AM

Have you ever been in one of those moods when the smallest of things can drive you crazy when watching, listening or reading about a game? If so, welcome to the club.
In the wide, and sometimes, not so wonderful of sports, one of my pet peeves is the many “redundant” phrases that should be outlawed, once and for all.
So, sports enthusiasts, here is your “Advance” warning. Of course, you are about to read my “personal” opinion on this issue, or in other words:

Hartley’s Ridiculous Redundant Rhetoric

New Contracts: John Doe signed a “new” four year contract. I’m sorry, but I haven’t heard of anyone signing an “old” four year deal.
Trades: How about John Doe was traded for a player to be named “later”? Hello, I didn’t think JD was dealt for a player to be named earlier.
Retirement: 15-year “veteran” forward John Doe retires, or “veteran” forward John Doe retires after 15 seasons. I was sure he was a 15 year rookie.
Game times: How about this traditional one-liner- And tonight’s game will start at 7 “pm”. Thanks for the notice; I would have waited until seven the next morning to watch “tonight’s” game.
Gifts: This one is really humorous, especially when teams are in a promotional mood. The first 2,000 fans in attendance will receive a “free” gift. Wow, just think I am not going to have to pay for the present.
Innovations: You have to give that coach a lot of credit for the team’s “new” innovations. It’s too bad because the old innovations would have been much more creative.
Work Week: He is a pleasure to watch “each” and every week. Well, at least we know he doesn’t take a week off.
Bright Future: What a great player. He has a great future “to come”. I would prefer hearing about his past future.
Size does matter: What a package. He is small “in size” but plays with a big heart.
Summer Nights: The weather for this game won’t be a factor as it’s a gorgeous “summer” night here in the month of August. I sure hope it’s not Christmas with snow on the ground.
Cool winds: How about this great one, the hitters will be challenged because the wind is “blowing” in from the south making it hard to hit out of the ball park. Being raised in Winnipeg, I know better than anyone that all winds do blow.
Experience: There is no substitute for his past experience. I would much rather hear about his future experience.
Graduate: Another great play by John Doe, a “former” graduate of UNBC. I didn’t realize that former players do indeed graduate.
Result: The “end” result was a six yard loss on the play. That’s too bad because I was hoping to hear the rear-end result.
Well folks, it’s now “12” noon, but don’t worry, I will return “again” in seven days “time”. That's my “final” conclusion.

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